A Dream About Jared

I dreamed about Jared last night. Since I'm one of those people who, for some reason, almost never remembers my dreams, to know that I dreamed about anything is a rare occurrence. I probably haven't remembered a handful of dreams in a year's time.

In my dream, I was in a room with Brad and Scott, sitting on the floor doing something or other. Someone had turned on some nice music, but I wasn't really paying any attention to who had done it. A couple of minutes later, I happened to look up and saw Jared lying on a bed over in the corner, watching us. I was so surprised to see him there, quiet and unobtrusive, like he would often be. I called out,

"Jared! What are you doing here?" He got that somewhat sheepish, sort of sad smile he had sometimes and said,

"I know that everyone thinks I'm dead, but I'm not. I'm sorry for all the bother I put everyone though over this."

It felt confusing for him to be there, but I immediately started thinking about what we needed to do to help him find someplace to live. And that was it. Then I woke up.

This morning, after I dropped the kids off at seminary, I couldn't stop thinking about my dream. I had an Enya cd in as I was driving home, and one of those haunting, lyrical melodies that she has was playing. Before I realized it, tears were sliding down my face. When I got home, I turned off the engine and just sat in the car and cried. I've felt pretty melancholy all morning, which isn't typical for me.

I miss my kind, gentle son.